


Better Late Than Never

by kyaorii



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguement, Car Accident, Clueless Sam, Coming out of the Closet, Confessions, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Near Death Experience, Pining, Smut, Smut and Fluff, Wraith, car crash, mutual feelings, vampire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 21:25:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18454925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyaorii/pseuds/kyaorii
Summary: Dean has loved Cas for as long as he can remember, but the thought of telling him how he feels scares the living daylights out of him. He knows that he has to tell him eventually, but will he ever?Not much of the canon story is referenced but this fic is set during season 12.This fan fiction was originally posted on Wattpad on the 27th March 2019. My Wattpad name is also kyaorii if you’re interested.





	1. Buried Deep Down

When Dean met Castiel all those years ago, he didn't expect that the angel who raised him from perdition would end up being the love of his life. Of course, nobody, not even Cas, knew about Dean's feelings: that's how it's always been. Raising your own brother makes you hide things because you need to be strong, and tough, and a good role model. He didn't need to tell Sammy things he didn't need to know, the main thing being his bisexuality.

 

Dean had kept his secret buried deep down inside for the longest time, and he kept it incredibly well hidden until one day the sunlight caught Castiel's face, highlighting his cheekbones and his lips and his beautiful blue eyes. That's when Dean realised that he had been looking at the angel differently since God knows when.

 

He kept his feelings in check most of the time, spending nights with countless women during and after hunts to fill the void in his heart that he wished Castiel would fill. His aching showed from time to time when his gaze slipped to Cas' lips as he talked, but neither Cas nor Sam ever seemed to notice that. But God, keeping all this hidden ate away at Dean and he knew that one day he'd tell Cas, and the fact that that day was inevitable scared him more than anything else.

 

Castiel, unpredictable Castiel.

 

Dean didn't know what Cas would think if he knew that he loved him. He was afraid that he would leave, and he'd rather keep everything bottled up inside a whiskey bottle than risk losing Cas. So, to keep his mind off things, Dean did the only thing he knew how to do: saving people, hunting things, the family business.

 

After a particularly generic and uneventful case involving vampires, Dean was sitting in the bunker's library eating a homemade hamburger and drinking a beer. Sam had gone out to the library and the shop to restock their reserves of food which gave Dean some alone-time, which he needed. He'd been alone for a while when he heard familiar footsteps coming from the entryway, and, unsurprisingly, the footsteps belonged to the trench-coat-wearing angel named Castiel.

 

"How are you, Dean?" Cas asked, smiling as he strolled over and took a seat directly opposite him. His gaze followed the burger as Dean raised it up to his lips and took a huge bite out of it.

 

"I'm fine," Dean said matter-of-factly as he chewed.

 

Castiel tilted his head slightly and frowned, "I know you're lying."

 

For some reason, Dean had suddenly lost his appetite and placed his half-eaten hamburger on his plate, "Cas, I said I'm fine," he sighed before standing up and turning to leave.

 

"Dean, I know you," he continued, "I know you hide things from Sam and I."

 

"If I'm hiding something, there's a reason for it!" Dean slammed his fist down on the table, causing his bottle of beer to fall over and empty its entire contents on the floor.

 

Cas placed his hands on the table and rose from his seat before saying, "You're my friend and if you-you need to talk about anything, anything at-"

 

"That's the problem, Cas!" Dean interrupted, averting his gaze from the angel, "You're my friend..."

 

"Dean...what do you mean?"

 

"I can't tell you what I'm hiding because you're my friend."

 

Castiel walked around the table to stand in front of Dean. "I-I thought that being friends meant that you could tell me anything," he said, unsure of what Dean was hiding and why he was so effected by his questioning.

 

"This one thing, Cas, I can't," Dean paused, shaking his head, "I just can't."

 

The angel frowned, moving his head so Dean would have to look him in the eye. "Why not?" He paused, "Do you not trust me?"

 

Scratching the back of his head, Dean sighed, "It's not that-"

 

"Then what, Dean?"

 

"I trust you, of course I trust you, it's just that this one thing, there's no turning back after I tell you and the risk is too high," Dean said as he walked past Cas towards his bedroom.

 

Cas followed him, asking, "What risk?" He grabbed Dean's arm and forced him to turn and face him,"What is there to lose?"

 

"...I don't want to lose you, Cas," Dean said, his face falling as he looked longingly into the angel's bright blue eyes.

 

"Dean," Cas paused, taking hold of both of Dean's shoulders, "you will never lose me, not again."

 

"Cas, I don't mean I'll lose you like that," Dean sighed, shaking free of Cas' hold on him and turning to walk into his bedroom, "I'll lose you as a friend."

 

Unable to lessen Dean's worries, Cas stood just outside his bedroom and asked, "I still don't understand, what could possibly make you lose me?"

 

"Like I said, I can't tell you," Dean barked, slamming his bedroom door, but Cas caught it just before it closed.

 

Cas fought against Dean to keep the door open, intent on helping him, and shouted, "Talk to me, Dean!"

 

"Leave. Me. Alone." Dean warned as he pushed on the door harder and forced it closed. Breathing heavily, he turned and leant his back against the door, using his body weight to keep the angel out of his room.

 

"Dean-" Cas started, his hands pressed against the door, but stopped when he realised it was best to give up pursuing the subject and leave Dean alone. He moved away from the door and made his way back to the main entrance.

 

After the sound of Castiel's footsteps could no longer be heard, Dean finally relaxed, letting his head fall back and rest against the door. He slowly slid down and sat on the cold, hard floor. As much as he wanted to lift the weight that lay on his conscience, he couldn't face his feelings head-on, not yet.

 

Dean sat leaning against his door for a while before he made the assumption that Castiel had left the bunker. He took this chance to go for a shower, despite having one earlier in the day, and clear his head; make sure he was in the right frame of mind when Sammy got back. Picking up his towel and body wash, Dean left his room and started down the hallway towards the wash room.

 

Slowly, Dean removed his clothing and folded it up neatly, placing it in a pile, before stepping into the shower and turning the handle. Warm, pressurised water flowed across his bare skin, calming him. He regretted raising his voice with Cas and he knew he needed to apologise and explain exactly what was going on, but that would mean telling him his secret and he wasn't ready for that. Dean leant forwards and let the water trickle down his face. Crying in the shower was easy to cover up since the water droplets mingled with his tears, but it didn't make him feel any better about the situation.

 

By the time Sam got back, Dean was dressed and eating his hamburger again. He ensured that he cleaned up the spilt beer properly beforehand so that Sam would be completely unaware that anything had happened earlier.

 

"Dean," Sam said as the placed a pile of five books on the table next to Dean's plate, "I borrowed some books to copy, would you give me a hand?"

 

The older brother placed his burger down and dusted off his hands. "Sure thing, Sammy," Dean replied, picking up the thinnest book and reading the title before turning the cover towards Sam and looking at him disgustedly.

 

Sam chuckled, "What?" He then reached into the bag he brought in with him and pulled out another four books.

 

"We had better get to work," Dean sighed.


	2. Avoidance

Eventually, after countless hours of reading and copying down of paragraphs of text, Dean had finally finished the last book. He slammed it closed and threw it across the room where it landed in a heap with three other books. Sighing in relief, the older brother chugged the rest of his beer and placed the empty bottle down on the table.

 

"Sammy," Dean said, running his fingers through his hair as he stretched, "If you make me do that ever again, I will kill you."

 

Sam chuckled as he typed on his laptop's keyboard, his gaze locked on the screen, "I'll keep that in mind for next time."

 

The brothers sat in silence for a few moments, the only sound filling the room was the occasional pitter-patter of keys as Sam searched the internet.

 

"I've found a case," Sam announced, breaking the silence as he turned the laptop screen to face Dean. "So get this, four people have been found dead in Fayetteville, Arkansas over the space of two weeks and from the looks of it, the vics have no connections except for the fact that their bodies have been found in the same alleyway."

 

Crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair, Dean added, "Could be anything: a vampire, a werewolf, a demon, an angel, or God knows what."

 

"If this is a rogue angel, or even a demon, we could really use Cas' help," Sam said, turning his laptop back around to face himself to note down the names of the victims before looking up at Dean, "Have you spoken to him recently?"

 

"No," Dean lied, his stomach falling as he thought back to what happened earlier in the day. "Anyway," Dean said, trying his hardest to avoid talking about Cas as he rose from his seat, "I'm sure we can handle this one ourselves."

 

Sam frowned. He wasn't an idiot. He could tell that Dean was hiding something about Cas, but work came first and he needed Dean to be in his right mind before hunting. "Ok, whatever you say," Sam agreed, before he stood up and followed Dean to pack the car for the hunt.

 

When the boys arrived in Fayetteville the next day, they found the cheapest motel, and checked in. Their room had two double beds clad with particularly ugly green bedsheets; a small wooden table with two chairs; a cheap wall-mounted TV; two bedside dressers and a small bathroom. Dean flung his duffel bag onto the bed he claimed and Sammy placed his on the table near the window.

 

"I'm going for some grub, want anything?" Dean asked as he adjusted his green cotton jacket.

 

Sam took a moment to ponder, running a hand through his hair. "A salad," he said, "A pack of beers too."

 

Dean opened the door to their room and chortled, "You and your rabbit food," before closing the door behind him.

 

Smiling to himself, Sam removed his brown jacket and hung it on the back of one of the chairs. He needed to get some research done before he and Dean visited the sheriff so he unzipped his bag and took out his laptop before dropping his bag on the floor. Just as he was about to open his laptop, he paused, thinking now would be a better time than ever to talk to Cas. Dean was out and maybe he could get some answers as to why Dean was acting like he was. Sammy took his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through his contacts to find Cas. The phone rang twice before the angel answered.

 

"Hello, Sam," Castiel said, his monotone voice coming through the phone's speakers, "Is something wrong?"

 

"No, not at all Cas, me and Dean are working a job in Arkansas right now," Sam paused, contemplating on how to get Castiel to talk about Dean without asking directly, "I was just wondering if you've been to the bunker recently."

 

"Yes, I visited the bunker yesterday but you weren't in," Cas recalled. He remembered how Dean seemed distressed about losing him as a friend and he didn't understand exactly what he meant by that.

 

Sam rolled his eyes and asked, "Did you see Dean?"

 

Castiel hesitated before answering, "I did, although I may have upset him..."

 

It turns out that Sam was right to think that Dean was avoiding talking about Cas, considering that the angel thinks he did something wrong.

 

"Sam, I'm sorry, I have to go," Castiel murmured before hanging up.

 

Sam sighed and put his phone back into his pocket before sitting down at the table to do the research he intended to do before calling Cas. Not long after, Dean returned with a burger for himself, a salad for Sam and a six pack of their favourite beer.

 

"Eat up, Sammy," Dean said, placing the salad down on the table in front of his younger brother. He took a seat at the table and unwrapped his burger before taking a huge bite out of it.

 

"There has to be some other connection," Sam murmured to himself, "There always is."

 

Taking another bite out of his burger and chewing as he talked, Dean joked, "The best serial killers pick random targets: that's how they don't get caught."

 

"Dean, this isn't some serial killer, this is a-a whatever it is," he said, gesturing towards his laptop screen. Then, he grabbed one of the bottles of beer, opened it, and took a swig before placing it down on the table.

 

The older brother selected his own beer and opened it saying, "The quicker you get your rabbit food eaten, the quicker we can figure out what this son of a bitch is and kill it." Dean then chugged half of the bottle before returning to eating his burger.

 

Rolling his eyes for the second time today, Sam unwrapped his salad and used the plastic fork provided to pierce through a piece of lettuce. He brought the lettuce up to his mouth and bit on it, emphasising the crunch to annoy Dean.


	3. Liars Get Caught

The two brothers finished their salads, burgers and beers and started work on the case, which ended relatively quickly. It turned out that it was in fact a demon that was murdering those people, however the way they were doing it was different. They possessed the victims, gave their meat-suit a mortal wound and jumped right outta there, leaving the dead body behind. Each victim was picked up from the bathroom of a bar right near the alleyway where the bodies were found.

 

Sam and Dean returned to the motel, each with a few cuts and bruises, but they were used to that. Dean shrugged off his jacket and hooked it over the back of one of the chairs whilst Sam locked the motel door behind them.

 

Sam made his way to the bathroom to wash the blood - his blood - off his face. Now the case was wrapped up with a pretty red ribbon, Sam considered confronting Dean about whatever happened between him and Cas the other day. He towel-dried his face, threw the towel on the radiator, turned and leant on the bathroom doorframe.

 

"Dean," Sam paused, crossing his arms, "We need to talk."

 

Taking a bottle of beer out of the cooler and opening it, Dean said, "About what exactly?"

 

"About Cas," Sam insisted.

 

"What about Cas?" Dean said, pretending that he had no idea what Sam was on about as he took a nervous swig of beer.

 

"That you lied."

 

Dean shrugged, still clinging onto the idea that he could make Sam believe he was clueless.

 

Sam rolled his eyes, so much that they rolled away. "You said yourself that you hadn't seen him, but according to Cas he saw you in the bunker two days ago," Sam paused, "He also said he might have upset you."

 

Unable to keep up the act, Dean argued, placing his beer down on the table, "First of all, what happens between me and Cas is none of your business-"

 

"Of course it's my business, Dean! You're my brother! And he's my friend!" Sam shouted.

 

Dean continued, "Second of all, he didn't upset me, I overreacted, okay!"

 

"You overreacted?" Sam said, raising an eyebrow.

 

"Look," Dean said, "Cas was asking me questions about something and I got worked up."

 

"Questions about what, Dean?"

 

"Sammy, that's not important."

 

The younger brother insisted, "Dean-"

 

"I like Cas, okay!?" Dean interrupted, "You happy now!?"

 

"You what?" Sam said, his mouth falling agape.

 

"I... Cas..." Dean murmured, turning away and running his hands over his face. He just revealed his deepest secret to his brother without intending to: today couldn't get any worse.

 

Sam was rendered speechless.

 

Dean turned back around to face Sam, catching his gaze. "Stop looking at me like that, like I'm some idiot," he grumbled, awkwardly scratching his nape.

 

"Sorry, I-I didn't know." Sam said.

 

"Of course you didn't know-"

 

"Why didn't you tell me?"

 

Dean sighed, taking a seat at the table, "You knew what Dad was like, how he hated those kinds of people, people like me...I thought you - I thought you would too."

 

"You are an idiot," Sam smiled, sitting at the seat opposite Dean, "Did you really think I'd judge you for something like that? You're overlooking every other thing I judge you for."

 

Dean chuckled, relieved that finally some of his unnecessary burden had been lifted.

 

"You know you have to talk to him, right?" Sammy added.

 

Dean sighed again, leaning back in his seat, "Yeah, I know Sammy."

 

"He really does think he's done something wrong."

 

"He hasn't..."

 

"Well tell him that," Sam said, taking his phone out of his pocket and handing it to Dean.

 

"I can't, not right now," Dean said. He rose from his seat and handed Sam his phone back.

 

Sam sighed, reluctantly putting his phone back in his pocket, "You can't just keep putting it off."

 

Dean picked his jacket up off of the chair and put it on, searching for his keys in the pockets he said, "Look, Sammy, I'm gonna go out for a bit, don't wait up for me."

 

"Dean," Sam said, "Promise me."

 

Dean nodded, "Okay," then left the motel room, slamming the door behind him. He got in the Impala, started the engine, and drove off, probably to some bar somewhere.

 

It had been a really long day. Honestly, finding out about Dean was more exhausting for Sam than the hunt, and he really, really needed a cold shower. He returned to the bathroom, got undressed and stepped into the shower, letting the cold water flow down his face. How could he have not noticed that Dean liked Cas? Thinking about it, it's painfully obvious: Dean's lingering stares when Cas looked away, holding on a little while longer after each hug, the pain in his eyes when Cas got hurt. Obvious.

 

Before Sam shrivelled up like a raisin, he got out of the shower and dried himself. Then he pulled on some clothes and jumped into bed.

 

Meanwhile, Dean was sitting at a bar twenty minutes down the road, drinking a glass of whiskey. It just happened to be the bar where the demon selected its victims during their recent case, but that didn't matter anymore. He chugged the rest of his whiskey and placed the empty glass down on the counter.

 

"Another one?" The waitress asked.

 

Dean nodded and watched the waitress pour more whiskey into his glass.

 

The waitress put down the whiskey bottle and asked, "What brings you here?"

 

"I don't really wanna talk about it," Dean smiled sadly, picking up his glass to take a sip of whiskey.

 

"Suit yourself," the waitress muttered before moving on to the next customer.

 

Continuing to drink, Dean thought back to what Sammy was saying earlier, and he was right. He did need to talk to Cas, as much as it scared him, because with their lifestyle any day could be his last. The main problem was how exactly he would do that.

 

The bar was getting too loud and with all these thoughts swirling around in his head, Dean needed a quiet place to think.

 

Chugging the rest of his whiskey, Dean got up, pulled cash out of his pocket and placed it down on the bar before leaving. He got in the Impala and started driving, just driving, not bothering to put a cassette in; allowing himself to bask in the sound of the Impala's engine as he thought.


	4. Collision Ahead

Dean had been driving around aimlessly in the Impala for an hour now. He didn't exactly know where he was or how to get back to the motel where his younger brother stayed, but he still continued to drive.

 

Throughout his life, the Impala was the only thing that was permanent. Yes, it was totalled a few times, but it was still there and could be repaired and no matter how many parts were replaced, it was still the same Chevrolet Impala '67 his Dad bought all those years ago. For Dean, the Impala was his home. He'd spent more days driving with Sammy, and sometimes Cas or the countless friends he's lost along the way, than he has ever spent anywhere else. and when he was alone, the Impala was there with him. In recent years he has spent a lot of time in the bunker, but still, nothing felt more like home than the Impala.

 

Thinking that it was about time he made his way back to the motel, Dean made a U-turn at the end of the road. Being so lost in thought before, Dean hasn't realised how clear the sky was. He could see every star, every constellation. It reminded him of how small he was compared to rest of the universe, and to him that was reassuring. When you're trusted and depended on by God himself, it feels like the whole universe has its eyes on you and everything you do impacts every single person on the planet. That's a lot of pressure for one guy.

 

A large pickup truck driving down the opposite side of the road began to move slowly into the right hand side of the road: the driver had dozed off at the wheel. Dean, distracted by the constellations only noticed the bright headlights when they were merely meters away. He quickly swerved right to avoid the car, but his manoeuvre drove him off the road. Suddenly, the Impala collided with a tree, the windscreen smashed into a million pieces and Dean lay unconscious, his body broken and bruised.

 

Sam was awoken by the sound of his mobile ringing. Dean was calling. He answered, surprised that the voice coming from the phone didn't belong to Dean. Rushing to get dressed, Sam hung up, and practically ran out of the door. He stole a car, which he would apologise for later, and drove as fast as humanly possible to the hospital.

 

When he got there, Dean was laying in a hospital bed, unconscious. His body was riddled with cuts and bruises, and from the looks of it he had a whole load of broken bones.

 

Sam paced the room, pulling his phone out of his jacket pocket and dialling the only number he could think of.

 

"Cas," Sam stammered, stopping his pacing to take a glimpse out of the window, "It-it's Dean."

 

"Sam, calm down, what happened?" Cas asked. He too began pacing around nervously.

 

Starting to walk around the room again, Sam answered, "Dean, he was in a car accident; he's unconscious."

 

"Where?"

 

"We're in Washington Regional Medical Centre in Fayetteville, Arkansas," Sam paused, making his way over to the door and swiftly opening it to look at the room number, "Room 206."

 

With a swoosh, the angel appeared in the hospital room and approached Dean's bedside. "Dean," Cas muttered, going to reach for his hand, but stopping just before his fingers made contact with his skin.

 

Seeing Dean lying there, cuts covering every inch of his body, was heartbreaking. He was usually so strong, defiant even against injury, but in this moment he looked so weak. Cas had seen him this vulnerable before, and he would never get used to it. It brought up feelings of worry and guilt and regret, reminded him of times when Dean begged him to stop.

 

"Cas, can you heal him?" Sam asked.

 

The angel was brought back to reality. "Yes, of course," he said, placing his hand on Dean's chest. Within a second, Dean's eyes blinked open and all of his cuts and bruises had vanished.

 

Dean swiftly sat up. "Cas?" he murmured, eyes wandering to Castiel and then to his brother, "Sam?" Dean examined the room, noticing the heart-rate monitor and drip he was connected to. "What happened?"

 

Taking a seat next to Dean's bed, Sam explained, "You were in a crash."

 

A flash of panic washed over Dean. "Is baby okay?" He asked, his gaze switching between Sam and Cas.

 

"Dean, of all the things you ask about, you ask if your car is okay?" Sam sighed, rubbing his face with both hands. He loved his brother, but sometimes he was an idiot.

 

Dean frowned.

 

Rising from his seat and making his way towards the door, Sam chuckled, "Your car is fine, apart from the tree-shaped dent in the front of it."

 

"Dammit," Dean mumbled.

 

After removing the drip from his arm and uncoupling the heart-rate monitor, Dean got out of the bed and stumbled. Luckily, Cas caught him in his arms before he face-planted.

 

"I'm just gonna... get us some coffee." Sam said as he gestured down the hallway before leaving Dean and Cas alone in the room.

 

Now that Sam was gone, the room filled with a very uncomfortable silence. They hadn't spoken to each other since the incident in the bunker nearly three days ago.

 

"Dean," Cas started, "I want to apologise."

 

Dean sighed, his hand running through his hair nervously, "No, Cas, I should be the one to apologise."

 

"Dean-"

 

"Cas, no, I'm sorry, I overreacted," Dean interrupted, looking down at the floor.

 

"It was rude of me to pry; I should have respected your privacy," Castiel said, resting his hand on Dean's left shoulder.

 

"Look," Dean paused, his eyes moving upwards to gaze at Cas, "You're family, and I-I should be able to talk to you about anything."

 

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Castiel added.

 

The pair were interrupted by the sound of the door opening again; they turned in unison to look at who it was.

 

Sam was standing in the doorway, carrying three cups of coffee in his hands. He immediately realised he walked in on Dean and Cas having a moment, but Dean took it as a chance to escape the situation. Like he always says "no chick-flick moments."

 

Shrugging Cas' hand away, Dean said, "I smell terrible, so I'm gonna go have a shower, get ready, and we can get back on the road again." He meandered over to the door and squeezed past Sam, leaving the room and making his way down the hallway.

 

"I'd better get going," Castiel said, disappearing with a flutter of his wings before Sam could argue.

 

"Well," Sam sighed, looking down at the cups of coffee in his hands, "I guess nobody wants coffee."


	5. Wreckage

When Dean had finally showered and got ready, he and Sam left the hospital to go collect the Impala, or whatever was left of it. Baby having a "tree-shaped dent" was an understatement: the entire front of the Impala had caved in from the impact, and it was clear that it wouldn't be driving anywhere anytime soon.

 

"We're gonna have to tow her," Dean said, gently tracing the outline of the hood with one hand.

 

Sam nodded, pulling his phone out of his pocket and searching for a tow truck company. He rang the first number that came up and eventually a truck arrived. The brothers paid extra cash and hitched a ride in the tow truck all the way back to the bunker. They dropped off the Impala outside and pushed it into the garage.

 

"Sammy," Dean yawned, "I don't know about you, but I really need to hit the sack."

 

"I'm not stopping you."

 

"Actually, wait a sec, Dean,"

 

Dean stopped and turned to face Sam, saying, "I thought you weren't stopping me?"

 

Ignoring what Dean said, Sammy asked, "In the hospital, what were you and Cas talking about?"

 

"Nothing."

 

"Nothing?" Sam pushed, raising his eyebrows.

 

Dean sighed, dragging his hands down his face, "Look, Sammy, I'm exhausted, can we do this later?"

 

"Okay," Sam agreed, reluctantly, giving up and letting his brother get his way for now, "Get some rest, but don't expect me to let you off that easily."

 

Dean chuckled before making his way to his room, opening the door and closing it behind him. He took off his shoes, shrugged off his shirt and jeans and crawled into bed. He lay staring up at the ceiling for a while, and as drained as he felt, he couldn't sleep. All he could think about was Cas. Whenever he closed his eyes, he was there with his ruffled hair and crystal blue eyes staring directly at him.

 

"Get out of my head," Dean murmured, rolling over to lie on his side.

 

Squeezing his eyes closed, Dean tried with all his might to keep thoughts of Cas out of his mind. It was no use. Dean gave up and stumbled out of bed, putting on his robe and leaving his bedroom. He'd rather do research than waste time trying, and failing, to sleep.

 

Dean meandered into the library and took a seat at the first table, opening his laptop. He clicked on the web browser, and typed the first thing that came to mind: Pagan Gods. It was a good place to start, and maybe it would be useful in the future. Within an hour, Dean was snoring and drooling with his face smushed against the keyboard. You can always trust boring research to knock you out.

 

When Sam woke up, he lumbered into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. Then, he made his way to the entrance room and took a seat at the world map table. Taking a sip of his coffee, Sam noticed Dean out of the corner of his eye: he was sleeping face-down on his laptop. These days, it was rare that Dean ever got a full night's sleep, so Sam decided it was best to just leave him alone. Maybe he could find a case in the meantime.

 

Gradually sitting up, Dean pryed open his eyes and rubbed them with both hands. The imprint of the keyboard had been left on his face. Dean stretched, yawning as he leaned back into his chair.

 

"Morning, Sammy," Dean groaned, his body sore and stiff from sleeping in such an uncomfortable position.

 

Sam took a sip of his third coffee before replying, "Afternoon, Dean."

 

"God, what time is it?" Dean asked.

 

"2:25pm."

 

"Are you serious, why didn't you wake me up earlier?"

 

"You looked so peaceful drooling all over your keyboard so I left you alone," Sam chuckled, taking another sip of his coffee.

 

Dean rolled his eyes and forced himself to stand up, his body protesting against him. Dean asked groggily, "You found a case?"

 

"Nope," Sam said, flatly.

 

"Well..." Dean paused, "For once we might actually have a day off; I might even catch up on Game of Thrones and fix Baby"

 

Drinking the rest of his coffee, Sam admitted, "Actually, Dean... Sorry to burst your bubble, but I invited Mom and Cas over."

 

"Oh, well there goes any plans to binge-watch," Dean droned, trying to hide the fact that he was actually pleased they were getting visitors.

 

Out of the blue, Sam asked, "Hey, uh, have you talked to Cas since you were in the hospital?"

 

"Whatever it is you're trying to do, stop," Dean warned, glaring at his brother.

 

"In the hospital when I came back with coffee, I saw you," Sam said, ignoring Dean's mild threat, "you two were finally getting somewhere and honestly all this pining is driving me insane."

 

"No."

 

"Look, I'm not gonna tell him, and nobody else knows so it has to be you, Dean," Sam said.

 

"I'm not telling him."

 

The younger brother sighed, "Fine, but you'll only have yourself to blame if you end up being too late."

 

Dean ignored Sam and stormed off to the kitchen to check whether they had enough beer. Even if they did he'd go and get more anyway. Before leaving in one of the Men Of Letters cars, Dean stopped off at his room to pull on a pair of clean blue jeans and a red shirt.

 

By the time Dean got back, Mary and Cas were already at the bunker; they were sitting with Sam around the world map table drinking beer.

 

"Hey," Dean said, walking down the metal entrance stairs carrying a plastic bag full of food and a box of beer.

 

"Hello Dean," Cas said, waving with one hand.

 

Mary smiled gently, "It's nice to see you Dean."

 

"I'm gonna blow your minds with how good this food is gonna be," Dean bragged, gesturing for Sam to take the beer off him.

 

Sam grabbed the box of beer from Dean's hands and placed it down on the table. "Sure you are," he chuckled.

 

"Dean, do you need help with making dinner?" Cas asked. There's a lot he wants to learn about human culture, and he had never really had the chance, or budget, to experiment with recipes.

 

"Nah, Cas, I'm fine," Dean replied, carrying the bag to the kitchen.

 

The angel smiled sadly as he watched Dean leave the room.

 

Mary noticed that Dean seemed a bit tense around Cas. She looked towards Sam and he raised his eyebrows. She decided to follow Dean into the kitchen to figure out what was wrong.

 

"Whatcha making?" She asked, trying to start with small talk.

 

Grinning like a kid showing off a drawing, Dean said smugly, "Only the best burgers in goddamn America."

 

A warm feeling arose in Mary's chest. Seeing the smile on Dean's face as he bragged about his cooking almost made their time apart seem worth it. "Can I give you a hand?" she asked. It was more of a rhetorical question, to be honest.

 

"Sure," Dean said, handing her a knife and a cutting board, "You can cut the tomatoes."

 

Mary grabbed one of the tomatoes and began cutting it into slices before asking, "You seem a bit tense: everything ok?"

 

Dean seemed a bit taken aback at the sudden question. Maybe he wasn't as good at hiding his feelings as he thought he was. "I'm fine," he lied, opening a pack of burgers.

 

"Dean," Mary sighed, placing the knife down on the cutting board, "I'm your mother, I know when you're lying."

 

Dean kept silent, slowly glancing over at his Mom.

 

"Cas offers to help you cook and you turn him down, but as soon as I offer to help you accept," Mary said, "So, what's happened with you and Cas?"

 

"Mom-"

 

"Don't Mom me."

 

"Can we do this later? I'm trying to cook," Dean protested, putting the four burger patties on the grill.

 

Mary sighed and continued cutting tomatoes, using greater force with the knife to make a louder sound on the cutting board. She'd get him to talk eventually.


	6. Tuck In

Dean, with his Mother's help, carried out the plates of food. Each plate had one burger encased in a brioche bun with bacon, tomatoes and lettuce. They placed the plates down in front of Sam and Cas, joined them at the table, and tucked in.

 

Dean gave the trio a chance to take a bite of their food before smugly asking, "Whaddya think?"

 

"Dean, this is amazing," Mary said, eagerly taking another bite. Although she helped cook, she considered the burger Dean's masterpiece.

 

Castiel was honestly surprised by Dean's cooking, and despite having the tastebuds and appetite of an angel, the burger genuinely tasted good. He didn't really know how to vocally explain how he felt about Dean's food so he just continued eating.

 

Refusing to give Dean the satisfaction of having made one of the best burgers he's ever eaten, again, Sam shrugged.

 

The four of them continued eating and drinking and talking about recent cases; when they finally finished, Dean gathered all the plates. Just as Dean was about to make his way to the kitchen, Cas rose from his seat. He offered to help Dean wash the dishes, and Dean was going to say no, but Mary interrupted saying, "That's very kind of you, Cas, I'm sure he'd love your help."

 

Dean glared at his Mom, but the look she gave him made him rethink saying something sarcastic in response. He and Cas walked to the kitchen with the plates and empty bottles.

 

The both of them washed the dishes in silence. Neither of them really knew where to start, and neither of them really wanted to start.

 

Cas remembered the talk they had at the hospital, and he still doesn't know what Dean meant exactly, but clearly he didn't want to talk about it and he respected it. Although, he didn't expect Dean to ever bring it up himself.

 

"Hey, Cas," Dean started, throwing the last bottle in the recycling bin, "I'm sorry for how I acted earlier, I'm not exactly 100% at the moment."

 

Cas seemed a bit taken aback; he really didn't expect Dean to bring it up himself. "It's no problem, Dean."

 

Immediately, the air pressure in the room seemed to increase with tension. Dean had apologised but couldn't help but feel that it wasn't enough. Cas hadn't done anything wrong, and he was giving him a hard time just because he was struggling with his own feelings. He needed to give a better explanation.

 

Fuck it. He was gonna talk to Cas. He wouldn't tell him exactly what was going on, but he'd try to make the situation better. Somehow.

 

Taking a leap of faith, Dean said, "I know you said I don't have to talk about it if I don't want to, but I'm going to."

 

Cas finished washing the last plate and placed it on the rack to dry before turning to look towards Dean. "Dean-" he said.

 

"No, let me explain, please," Dean interrupted. He took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. "Right now, I'm trying to come to terms with part of myself I've been trying to hide for a long time and-and it's difficult." He continued, "You see, my father, he wasn't exactly open-minded and I-I thought that he would be angry and back then all I cared about was making him proud, but now, now I realise that I don't have to be scared anymore."

 

Part of Cas was glad that Dean was opening up to him, but he couldn't control the look of concern that crossed his face.

 

"But still," Dean said, "I'm scared, I'm scared that things will change and although I'm happy with how things are now, I can't help but want more."

 

"More what?" Castiel asked, placing a hand on Dean's shoulder, aiming to comfort him.

 

Castiel's touch did the opposite of what was intended. Dean said, slightly uncomfortable being in such close proximity to his angel, "Look, Cas, I'm not ready to say. I just want you to know that you haven't done anything wrong and you didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated you and I'm sorry."

 

Realising Dean's visible discomfort, Castiel moved his hand. "Dean," Cas said, smiling gently at him, "thank you for telling me."

 

Seeing Cas' smile, Dean felt warmth flood his cheeks. "Hey, uh, we should go back to Mom and Sam," Dean chuckled nervously as he broke eye-contact and changed the subject, "They're probably wondering what's taking so long."

 

"You're right."

 

Dean and Cas returned to the entrance room and joined Mary and Sam in drinking the rest of the beer. Taking a sip, Mary smirked knowingly at Dean. Mothers have an uncanny ability to read their children like an open book, and for Mary it was incredibly easy to read Dean. She could tell that her eldest son had a thing for Cas ever since she met him, but she never brought it up. Sammy, however, was a lot harder to read. He was only six months old when she died so she never really got to bond with him before being resurrected. She'd make up for that eventually.

 

After the beers were finished, the boys offered for Mary and Cas to stay for the night, which they were happy to: Mary needed a break from hunting and the angel was more than glad to spend some time in the place he considered home with the people he considered family.

 

"Goodnight boys," Mary said, waving as she left the room and made her way down the hallway to go to bed.

 

The three boys waved back in unison, all deciding to stay awake a while longer.

 

Dean collected his laptop from the library and brought it to the world map table. "I don't know about you guys," Dean said as he opened up his laptop and turned it on, "but I won't be sleeping tonight."

 

"I definitely won't be," Cas said, plainly. He doesn't sleep, after all, he's an angel.

 

Sammy sighed as he stretched to grab his laptop from the end of the table, "I'm not sure yet. For all we know, there could be a case."

 

"That's exactly what I was thinking," Dean added, already searching for strange police reports that could be their kind of thing.

 

"You know, Cas," Sam said, also searching for strange occurrences, "you could come with us for the next case if you're up for it."

 

The angel flashed a glance at Dean before looking towards Sam. "I'd be happy to, if you'll have me."

 

Sammy smiled, "Good," and looked at Dean. He seemed a lot less tense now, and Sam assumed it was because he and Cas had a little heart-to-heart in the kitchen earlier; it was a relief.

 

"Now," Dean commented, getting up to fetch one of their spare laptops to give to Cas, "all we need is a case."


	7. Back To Business

Searching for cases online can take minutes, hours, even days sometimes. And fairly often, there are cases that initially seem like their kind of thing, but turn out to be normal, or at least more normal than monsters. Luckily, it didn't take that long for Castiel to find a case that was so obviously supernatural that there was no way it wasn't their kind of thing.

 

"Sam, Dean, I've found something," he announced, breaking the silence.

 

Dean looked up from his laptop and asked, "What is it, Cas?"

 

The angel turned his laptop screen to face the two brothers. "A man has been found dead in Durango, Colorado," he paused, glancing between them, "His brain had been turned to mush."

 

"Sounds like a Wraith," Sam added, closing his laptop in silent defeat. It hadn't been a competition to be the first to find a case, but it felt like he had lost regardless.

 

"Sounds like a case," Dean said, wasting no time by immediately pulling on his favourite green jacket. "I'll go pack the car."

 

Eventually, after a long drive, the trio arrived In Durango. They did the usual: booked a place at a cheap motel, got acquainted with the room, then got dressed before leaving. Sam and Dean had to change into their suits and trench coats in order to look vaguely like FBI agents, whereas Cas just kept his usual clothes on. Each of them had a different coloured trench coat on for variation.

 

The Sheriff and police department were about as useful as expected, which wasn't very useful. They showed them the body, talked about how impossible and strange the man's death was, and pointed them in the general direction of where something or someone may or may not possibly be. The Deputy Sheriff seemed strangely helpful, but the boys brushed it off as a guy who was trying to get on the good side of what he thought was the FBI.

 

Luckily, the victim was well-known in the area as being "crazy" and Sam and Dean had their fair share of experiences with Wraiths that liked crazy brains. They tasted better, apparently, but how were they supposed to know if that were true?

 

The trio managed to link the vic to a man named Carl, who they believed was the Wraith. As it turned out, he was, and the boys tailed him to where they believed his next victim would be. They parked the Impala outside the woman's house, grabbed some gear from the trunk and stealthily made their way towards the house. Downstairs, the lights were on in the living room and through the window they could see the woman and Carl. She seemed to be afraid of him which was enough information for them to make their move. Dean gestured for Sam to make his way around the back of the house while he and Cas went through the front door.

 

Dean used his lockpick to open the door and made his way down the hallway with Castiel behind him. As they turned to go into the living room, Dean was attacked from his left side and thrown against the wall by Carl, dropping his machete in the process. The Wraith then turned and attacked Castiel whilst Dean was temporarily winded. Sam burst through the back door but was unexpectedly attacked by another Wraith. A Wraith that turned out to be the Deputy Sheriff. Clearly, he and Carl had discovered they were hunters and planned for the boys to follow Carl to this woman's house.

 

Meanwhile, as Sam fought with the Deputy and Dean was recovering, the Wraith got a firm grip on Cas, who had little experience fighting anything other than angels or demons. He turned Cas to face Dean, holding him tightly against his chest as he unsheathed his spike and stabbed Cas in the back of his neck, aiming for his brain. Dean watched as Cas froze at the unnatural intrusion, dropping his angel blade. His eyes closed and he slumped, held up only by Carl and his spike impaling his skull.

 

"Shit, Cas!" Dean yelled, swiftly scrambling to pick up his machete and get back on his feet before running over to decapitate the wraith. Carl's head landed on the floor with a thud, along with Castiel.

 

"Cas!" Dean repeated, dropping his weapon and kneeling down to cradle Cas' limp body. He took hold of his angel's face and gently slapped and shaked him, hurriedly trying to wake him up.

 

Sam stumbled into the room, his machete stained with blood. A flash of panic crossed his face as he noticed Castiel lying on the floor. "Dean," Sam asked, rushing to kneel by Dean as he held Cas, "What happened?" He completely ignored the woman who was huddled in the corner, paralysed by shock.

 

Dean continued to shake Cas in the hope that he would wake up. "Carl he- he got Cas," he stammered, tears on the verge of spilling from his eyes as he gazed upon the angel.

 

He wasn't waking up.

 

The brothers bowed their heads for their fallen friend. Dean could no longer keep the tears from falling, clinging onto Cas as he sobbed. Oh God how he wished he had told him how he felt. Sam was right. He should have told him while he still could. Now he's gone. His angel was gone. He wasn't going to come back this time. God wasn't around to piece him back together again like he did the last time. There was nothing he, or anyone, could do.

 

"Cas- Cas, I love you," Dean choked out through the tears, still cradling Castiel in his arms. He didn't care about his secret anymore. There was no point in keeping it if Cas was dead.

 

"Dean?"

 

The familiar monotone voice shocked both Sam and Dean; their eyes darted to where the voice came from.

 

He was alive. He was okay. Cas was okay.

 

"Oh thank God," Dean said, pulling Castiel up towards him to give him a hug. He buried his face in Cas' neck, sobbing uncontrollably as his fingers dug into the blood-stained tan trench coat. If Cas weren't an angel, he would be dead - his healing powers saved his life.

 

Castiel hugged him back tightly, smiling weakly at Sam over Dean's shoulder.

 

Sam smiled back, full of relief that his best friend was still alive. Then, he realised what they came here for, to save the woman. She was still alive considering how much she had witnessed.

 

Dean and Cas held each other for a while. Dean wasn't entirely sure this was real anymore. Maybe Cas was really dead and this was just his mind playing tricks on him: giving him false hope. He worried that if he let go, his angel would disappear and he would never get to see him again. Castiel comforted him as best as he could by gently running his fingers through his dirty blond hair.

 

Sam left the two alone and helped the woman to calm down. He explained the whole situation, even gave her "the talk," and told her that she was safe now. She agreed to tell the police that the Deputy Sheriff had been working with Carl to murder people, which was true, although it left out the fact that they were both Wraiths.

 

Eventually, once the tears had stopped falling and Dean had been persuaded that Cas was real and alive, the boys returned to the motel. Sam went in the room alone, flashing a supportive smile as he left Dean and Cas outside by the Impala. They really needed to talk.


	8. About Time

Dimly lit by the red artificial light that emitted from the neon sign of the motel, Dean and Cas stood alone by the Impala. The car park was almost completely silent, apart from the gentle rustling of leaves as the breeze blew through. Since Dean had cried recently, his eyes were red and puffy. He couldn't recall a time in his life where he had cried that much before, and he hoped to God that it would never happen again.

 

"Dean, what you said earlier, was it true?" Cas asked hesitantly, breaking the silence between them. He looked up at Dean with his tired blue eyes, silently begging for the answer he wanted to hear.

 

Throughout the entire journey back to the motel, Dean had been worried that Cas would bring up his pained love confession from earlier on. He'd secretly hoped that Cas didn't hear him, or couldn't hear him, so that he could have continued to avoid his feelings like he always has been. Clearly, he had heard him, and he had to face his fears and take the plunge.

 

"Yes," Dean answered, swallowing the lump in his throat that he didn't realise was there.

 

The angel gazed at Dean puzzlingly, wondering why he hadn't realised before that Dean loved him as much as he loved Dean.

 

"Don't look at me like that, I'm serious."

 

"Sorry," Cas apologised, nervously ruffling his hair with one hand, "it's just that, this entire time, I believed my feelings for you were unrequited. I was wrong."

 

Dean felt breathless, the sudden realisation that his angel loved him back overwhelming him. "Cas you- you-" he stuttered.

 

"Yes," Castiel interrupted, "I have been enthralled by you ever since I met you."

 

"Me too, Cas, me-" Dean's sentence was cut short by Castiel swiftly pushing him against the side of the Impala and pressing his lips against his. They had both secretly wished for this for the longest time, and neither had wanted to initiate it, but Castiel believed that now was the right time. He'd waited too long and he wasn't going to wait any longer. The angel deepened the kiss, using his delicate hands to hold Dean's face in place.

 

Eventually, they separated, panting as they caught their breaths. Dean pulled Cas back in by the lapels of his trench coat and flipped them so he was the one pressing the other against the car. He moved back in for a kiss whilst his left hand moved away to fumble for the door handle. He pulled Cas away from the door long enough to open it and push him inside so he was lying on the back seat. He followed, crawling over the top of Cas and closing the door behind him. Straddling Cas, he leant down to kiss him again, their tongues sliding together as they explored each other's mouths.

 

Dean hungrily stripped Castiel of his trench coat and blazer, discarding them on the floor.  The angel tugged on Dean's green jacket and flannel shirt, urging him to take them off. He complied, flinging his clothes on the floor with Cas'. Then, he untucked Cas' white shirt from his trousers and tore it open, small buttons pinging everywhere. They both considered fully undressing, but neither could wait to get their hands on each other: the extra layers were nothing compared to the years of pining they went through. Castiel let his hands explore under Dean's t-shirt, caressing his abs. Dean closed his eyes and let himself get lost in the feeling of the angel's hands on his body.

 

Castiel, noticing that Dean was off-guard, tightly gripped onto Dean's waist and used his strong legs to flip them over. The angel was now grinding down on Dean's hardening cock, gazing at him with lidded eyes as he used his hands to keep Dean's back firmly pressed against the seat.

 

Dean's breath hitched, basking in the sensation of being dominated by the man he had secretly desired for many, many years. Subconsciously, his hands moved to touch Cas' stomach and pectoral muscles, lingering for a second on his tattoo. He finally had Cas all to himself, and it all seemed unreal.

 

Keeping one hand pressed against Dean's chest, Cas unbuttoned Dean's jeans and pulled the zip down, reducing the pressure on Dean's erection. Dean sighed heavily. Castiel leant down to kiss Dean and slowly reached his hand into Dean's pants, wrapping a hand around his dick. Dean moaned into Castiel's mouth, his hands reaching to grasp tightly onto the angel's arm, tightly enough to leave a mark.

 

Once Dean had composed himself, he let go of Cas' arm, eagerly unbuckled Cas' belt and unzipped his trousers. He reached into his pants and ghosted his fingers over Cas' dick, earning a low throaty moan from him. They continued to touch each other, moaning into each other's mouths as they kissed sloppily.

 

Dean pulled Cas' trousers and pants down more to get better access, and Cas did the same for Dean. Cas moved Dean's hands away and ground down on him, their dicks sliding together. Cas took both dicks in his hand, setting a steady rhythm as he pumped them.

 

"Cas, I'm close," Dean moaned loudly, nails digging into the leather seat as he was overwhelmed by pleasure. When he felt that he was nearing orgasm, he moved his hand to wrap around Cas' and forced him to jerk them harder and faster.

 

Castiel jerked forward at the increased friction. "Me- me too, Dean," he groaned. He leaned down to kiss Dean one more time, continuing to grind down on him with their dicks in his hand, before moving to murmur in Dean's ear, "Come for me."

 

The angel's deep monotone voice urged Dean on even more, his hand gripping more tightly onto Cas'. Within seconds, Dean felt his orgasm crash through him like a tsunami. "Cas," He moaned, eyes squeezing closed and mouth dropping open. His dick twitched, splattering both their torsos with cum.

 

Watching Dean come undone below him pushed Cas over the edge and then he too was cumming, Dean's name escaping his lips as he groaned.

 

Castiel's body went limp and he collapsed on top of Dean: they were both utterly exhausted.

 

Dean was thankful that the motel was practically a ghost town, because he nor Cas held back at all and if anyone were around they would have heard them. It's not like he gave a damn if people heard anyway. Lovingly, Dean ran a hand through his angel's mass of hair, making it messier than it already was.

 

The angel adjusted his position so he could look up at Dean. Being this close to his lover's face meant that he could see every single freckle, and he vowed that one day he would make a map of them and turn them into constellations. "I love you, Dean," Cas said, tilting Dean's head to give him a gentle peck on the lips.

 

"I love you too, Cas," Dean smiled, his tiredness starting to catch up with him.

 

Reluctantly, Dean reached under the driver seat to get a cloth, "As much as I would love to stay here and cuddle," Dean said, gesturing for Cas to move so he could clean the drying cum off of them, "We really should go back to the room." Both of them got dressed as best as they could, despite the fact that Cas' shirt was missing most of its buttons, and tried to look a little like they hadn't just fucked in the back of the Impala. They made their way to the motel room, unlocking the door quietly. Luckily, Sam was sleeping so Dean didn't have to share an awkward look as he and Cas walked in, their hair messy and their clothes dishevelled.

 

Dean kicked off his shoes, removed the majority of his clothes and meandered over to his bed. He suggested that Cas do the same. The two climbed into the bed together; Dean pulled Cas into his chest and Cas buried his face in the crook of Dean's neck.

 

After all that had happened, Dean no longer cared about holding himself back. He loved Cas, and he wasn't going to stop himself from showing that anymore, even if it meant dealing with Sam's constant teasing. There was nothing Sam could ever say that would make him any less happy. He was in love, he was with Cas, that's all he could ask for, and for once he was satisfied with just the silence as he held Cas in his arms.

 

Castiel gently stroked Dean's hair, snuggling up as close as he possibly could. When he felt that Dean had drifted off to sleep, he moved to look at his face. He seemed content, happy even, and that was more than Cas could have ever asked for. Hopefully things would stay that way, but for now, the angel wanted to spend his time that he couldn't spend sleeping by counting the thousands of freckles that dotted Dean's face, just like he vowed to do.

 

 

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Thank you so much to everyone who's read my fan fiction. I decided to end it here since we all know how season 12 ends and I'm not sure how much more I could have fit into my story before the canon events happen.

 

I'm fairly new to the Supernatural Family and it would be great to get some advice on what improvements I could make for my next fan fiction. Also, if you have suggestions for fan fiction that I can read, that would be great.

 

See ya in the next one, ass-butts!


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